( sitting is a good idea in theory, except for the fact Peter probably couldn't sit even if he wanted to right about now. in fact instead of just standing, he starts pacing, not even going any where in particular, but stationary just doesn't work when his thoughts are moving faster than a bullet train.
Peter has sort of been operating under the idea he doesn't have to tell anyone anything, and look how it's working out for him. eventually all his secrets catch up to him and tear him apart when he doesn't expect it. even when he tries to never bring them up they seep to the surface, like poisoned earth turning black.
he winces at the very fair point that he'd been an ass, at least managing to silence himself until Matt finishes. he's surprised at how flippant Matt manages to make death sound. for Peter, it is not okay for it to be part of his job description. ) I do care about you, that's why we can't. If anyone should get that, it should be you, if you've lost someone too!
( it's more than just the fact Gwen died, though, and maybe that's why it doesn't make sense. why Matt doesn't understand. Peter scrubs hands over his face, almost painfully, like he has to claw the words out. truth be told, he's never really said them out loud before, and saying them makes the truth painfully real. )
She didn't just die, okay? She was with me, helping me, and someone realized who I was and wanted to hurt me and they... I tried to save her, I just wanted to save her, and I thought... ( he's definitely crying now, finally dragging ugly truths he's been hiding even from herself. they come out of him broken and incoherent, but more than enough to be damning. ) It was me. I killed her. I killed her because Harry wouldn't have done it if it weren't for me, and I ... I killed her because I was so desperate to save her that I didn't think. I just had to stop her and her back broke and it's my fault she's gone. I'm not going to let that happen to you, I can't.
how did i never see it before
Peter has sort of been operating under the idea he doesn't have to tell anyone anything, and look how it's working out for him. eventually all his secrets catch up to him and tear him apart when he doesn't expect it. even when he tries to never bring them up they seep to the surface, like poisoned earth turning black.
he winces at the very fair point that he'd been an ass, at least managing to silence himself until Matt finishes. he's surprised at how flippant Matt manages to make death sound. for Peter, it is not okay for it to be part of his job description. ) I do care about you, that's why we can't. If anyone should get that, it should be you, if you've lost someone too!
( it's more than just the fact Gwen died, though, and maybe that's why it doesn't make sense. why Matt doesn't understand. Peter scrubs hands over his face, almost painfully, like he has to claw the words out. truth be told, he's never really said them out loud before, and saying them makes the truth painfully real. )
She didn't just die, okay? She was with me, helping me, and someone realized who I was and wanted to hurt me and they... I tried to save her, I just wanted to save her, and I thought... ( he's definitely crying now, finally dragging ugly truths he's been hiding even from herself. they come out of him broken and incoherent, but more than enough to be damning. ) It was me. I killed her. I killed her because Harry wouldn't have done it if it weren't for me, and I ... I killed her because I was so desperate to save her that I didn't think. I just had to stop her and her back broke and it's my fault she's gone. I'm not going to let that happen to you, I can't.